Your Last Mission
by ThePreciousHeart
Summary: Harry's back to the land of the living, and Kingsman isn't quite sure what to do with him. Merlin suggests he try to return as an active field agent, and can't understand why Harry doesn't seem to take his physical therapy seriously. Until he does. He then proposes a better alternative- one last mission. Something of a follow-up to/elaboration o "Somebody Stepped Inside Your Soul."
Merlin hadn't expected everything to go back to _normal_ after V-Day. Such an expectation was frankly ludicrous. Valentine and his henchmen may have been taken down, but so had a large amount of the world's population. Not to mention that Merlin himself had personally assured that the majority of the world's government leaders had their heads blown off. There were interim leaders to be decided, nations to rebuild and repopulate, and bodies to bury.

In the case of the last point, one very _familiar_ body to be buried.

However, when Merlin 's private flight touched down in Kentucky, he discovered, quite to his astonishment, that said body appeared to have walked away on its own. It was, at least, nowhere in the immediate vicinity. Naturally Merlin checked the morgues first, because he'd seen the shot with his own eyes, it was at point blank range and had been aimed straight for the head. Shots like _that_ brought their targets to death's door more often than not.

No John Does turned up in the nearest hospital's morgue. But there was a _patient_ matching the description Merlin was searching for. He didn't dare to believe it until he was actually standing by the patient's side, gazing into his unconscious, disfigured, but still _living_ features. Still living, that was, but just barely. Immediate medical attention had been halted in the hate plague, when doctors and nurses alike picked up their needles and surgical tools and ran screaming at each other. Most of the living beings remaining in the hospital were those who were already fading away, overlooked by the attackers because they were already so close to moving on.

The situation looked so dire that Merlin left. Transport was out of the question at the moment. All he could do was stay in contact with the few lucky survivors and have them promise to send updates on the patient's condition. As much as he'd like to stay by Harry's bedside, the mess at HQ was too great to sort out from abroad.

And staying behind might not even be worth it, anyway.

As awful as it was to think such a thing, Merlin couldn't help but find the whole trip rather anticlimactic. The entire flight to Kentucky had been spent vacillating between two mindsets- the agonizing black hole of _he's gone_ and the cold, rational _accept it, accept it, don't falter, accept it._ He hadn't been mentally prepared for both mindsets to be ripped away. Harry wasn't gone _(yet),_ and ironically it was this miraculous turn of events that Merlin found himself unable to deal with.

Merlin's confusion might have accounted for his actions later in the day. As soon as he stepped off the plane, he found himself lying to Eggsy's expectant, worried face. "We couldn't find him. The body has yet to be recovered." Once the words slipped out, Merlin was chilled by how easily the lie had sprung to mind, but at the same time his mind convinced him that it was for the best. How could he possibly explain to Eggsy that he had just _left_ Harry there, his life hanging by a thread?

Before he knew it, Eggsy was telling Roxy, and Merlin found himself calling a desperate meeting of the remaining Kingsmen, informing them on Harry's status and persuading them to keep Lancelot in the dark. In retrospect, Merlin saw that he really hadn't been in the right frame of mind to call such a meeting, but it made perfect sense to him at the time. If word got out to Roxy, Eggsy would surely coax the information out of her one way or another, whether or not the matter was intended to be confidential. It wasn't that he had no faith in Roxy; Merlin just didn't trust Eggsy's influence on her. As for the other members of Kingsman… they'd all faced worse horrors in their day. They were experienced and knew the risks. Whether Galahad was alive or dead was hardly a problem now. Kingsman would continue to soldier on, whether or not it was missing a field agent.

"He's _very_ lucky to be alive," a nurse said of Galahad's recovery, the next time Merlin headed over to see him. Personally Merlin called it a "bloody fucking miracle." Despite his utter lack of faith in any higher power, he couldn't help but feel the sneaking suspicion that perhaps _something_ up there was fond of Harry Hart. One flight to England, a few weeks of further recuperation, and several simultaneously difficult and joyous conversations later, every piece was back in place and every knight returned to the table. Their agent Kay was promoted as a more loyal and hopefully more progressive-thinking incarnation of Arthur. Eggsy was named as their first Gawain, a title he more than deserved. And most importantly, their Galahad was awake, alive, and aware. Merlin couldn't have been happier at each turn of events.

He would have been a fool to assume things would go back to _normal,_ though. Kingsman might have Galahad back, but impaired vision in his left eye and a sufficient amount of brain damage suggested that he wouldn't make a return to the field, not for a long while at any rate. Merlin requested that he be the one to discuss further options with Harry. He seemed to be the only agent besides Eggsy who wasn't walking on eggshells around Galahad, and even Eggsy was tempted to sugarcoat it. Merlin, however, knew that mincing words would do no good. He sat down with Harry right away and began to discuss the problem- namely, that Kingsman was a bit befuddled on what to _do_ with Harry, exactly. His reliability and vivacity in the field made it difficult to see him working anywhere else- a view that Harry himself shared.

"First we have the obvious recommendation," Merlin said, glancing down at the list of open positions at Kingsman he'd compiled on his clipboard. "You could work alongside me as a handler. It's just like being in the field, only without the stress and the people trying to kill you."

Harry made a _hmm_ sound in the back of his throat. "I already see… see enough of you outside of work. I'm af… afraid we wouldn't be able to stand each other if we…"

"Don't be ridiculous, we see each other here all the time anyway," Merlin muttered. He crossed out the first option on his list nonetheless. The shot had left Harry with a slower reaction time than he used to have, which even behind the screens could spell disaster. Training could help Harry overcome that- but Merlin would get to that matter later.

"Would you demean yourself to take a secretarial position?"

"If worse comes to worst," Harry replied, but Merlin knew his heart wouldn't be in it. He didn't cross out the position, but he didn't star it as a possibility either.

"Doubt you'd have the discipline to work in medical."

Harry shook his head. "Or the t… training."

"Can't pilot a plane with impaired vision."

"No."

Slowly Merlin worked his way through the entire list, and Harry vetoed each position offered. Despite the ease at which he turned down the suggestions, Merlin could tell that Harry was rather discouraged by the whole discussion. He took a deep breath and tapped at the final position, his last resort.

"There's one more option, Galahad. Rigorous physical therapy to get you back in the field. You wouldn't be in a full-time, intensive position like you're used to, but it's the closest we can get to giving you your old job back."

From the look in Harry's eyes, it was clear to Merlin that he had hit the right spot. He gazed at Merlin with interest for the first time since the discussion had begun.

"I think that would… interest me."

It was exactly as Merlin had predicted. _Should have led with that option from the start._ He nodded and starred the last entry on the list with an air of finality. "There we have it, then."

To tell the truth, he was just as pleased with Harry's choice as he was nervous about it. Putting a disabled agent in the field was a very risky move, and if anything happened to Harry Merlin would never forgive himself. However, the thought of handling Harry in the field again brought great joy to Merlin's heart. The missions he had overseen following V-Day had held no shortage of excitement, but it wasn't the same as working with Galahad. Merlin _missed_ the bond they shared, the pure voice in his ear and the view through Harry's eyes. Having that connection back was like the icing on the cake.

But that didn't mean Merlin expected to see Harry return immediately to punching out bad guys. In fact, once Harry's physical therapy started he expected to see a lot less of Harry around him. Therefore, he was surprised, to put it mildly, when that _wasn't_ what he got.

"Hello, Merlin!" Harry called out one midday, breaking Merlin's concentration on a particularly complex piece of coding. "Do you mind if Gawain and I drop… drop in for a bit?" He only waited a second for Merlin to give a confused blink in response before turning to the eager Eggsy at his side. Merlin noticed that when the two were standing together, Eggsy resembled a perfect carbon copy of Harry, right down to the same proud stance and cheeky grin.

"I asked Merlin on our first date in… in this office," Harry explained conspiratorially to Eggsy, who nodded as if he was lapping up every word from his mentor's mouth. "It was on my birthday." He gestured with the hand that wasn't clutching his walking stick to the far left wall, while Merlin sat and stared in disbelief, heat creeping up the back of his neck. "I was helping him organize the fi… the filing cabinets that used to be here. We- we stopped using hard copies when the… the digital age came."

"Galahad?" Merlin addressed his boyfriend, in a surprisingly even tone. "What's your _reason_ for 'dropping in?"

"I thought I'd take Eggsy on a tour around HQ," Harry stated nonchalantly, turning his innocent brown eyes to Merlin. But Merlin had been beguiled by Harry's charms one too many times for it to work in public, and only gave him a long, blank stare in response. _Just what kind of a "tour" involves the sharing of such personal details?_

"If I recall correctly, Gawain has already seen every room in the manor," Merlin said pointedly, casting a quick glance at Eggsy.

"Yeh, but not through _Harry's_ eyes," Eggsy replied, not even bothering to hide his smirk. Merlin's eyebrows lifted. It was times like these when he wished that Eggsy had never discovered he and Harry were an item. He hadn't expected Eggsy to become so… invested in the relationship. But Harry wasn't making it much better by indulging him.

"I used to come down here all the… all the time, just to see Merlin," Harry said, now fully lost in his reminiscing. "Many a time I suc- successfully got him away from the monitor so he'd pay attention to… to _me."_

"Really!" Eggsy laughed, and Merlin simmered inside. Why should Harry feel the need to tell Eggsy so many irrelevant details about their relationship, and why should this be deemed more important than his physical therapy? Not to mention he wasn't telling it right to begin with.

"Haven't you both got _better_ things to do?" Merlin spoke up. "Galahad, you should be down at medical, and Gawain… Arthur hasn't given you a new assignment?"

"That's up to him," Eggsy replied smoothly, while Harry mildly stated, "I'd say walking around the manor is quite phy- physical, and as for the therapy part, it's not un… uncommon for patients to recall old memories."

"You're thinking of a _different_ kind of therapy,"Merlin tried to grumblingly correct Harry, but he was already turning to the door. At least he'd gotten the hint- but Merlin wasn't comforted by Harry's words as he walked away. "Come along, Eggsy. There are plen- plenty more stories to be had. I'll show you the… the barracks next. That's where I first laid eyes on Merlin!"

"You didn't even _talk_ to me until I beca-" Merlin protested, but his words fell on deaf ears. Harry was already out the door, and Eggsy only stopped to give Merlin a casual wave and a wink before following after. Merlin sighed, rubbed his eyes, and turned back to the monitor to finish his coding. _He has GOT to be kidding me… Now, where was I?_

It was in the barracks that Merlin found Harry later, sitting on one of the empty recruit's beds with a faraway look in his eyes. As Merlin approached, Harry came to life, beckoning Merlin to sit down beside him. Obligingly, Merlin did, and Harry caught his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Enjoyed your trip down memory lane?" Merlin said, and Harry nodded. "Immensely. As did Eggsy!" His gaze strayed from Merlin and traveled around the room, and his eyes began to cloud over again with the haze of memory.

"It was in this very bed that I… slept during my training. Thankfully I was never flooded out of it." Harry glanced over and grinned at Merlin. "That was your sa… sadistic invention, wasn't it?"

"I've taken credit for worse," Merlin replied. He slowly withdrew his hand from Harry's grasp and reached up, brushing a strand of Harry's hair back before trailing his fingers against Harry's left cheek. He took care to avoid touching the scars- the last time he'd done so Harry had frozen up and not let him lay a hand on him again.

"You shouldn't slack off on your physical therapy, Harry," Merlin said softly, his eyes fixated on each detail of Harry's face. _Fuck what anyone else thinks, he's just as handsome as ever._ "I'm sure it's all well and good to show off for Eggsy, but if you ask me, he doesn't need any more reason to worship you. If you ever want to get back in the field-"

"Sshhh," Harry interrupted Merlin, his eyes fluttering shut. He leaned in and pressed a quick, soft kiss to Merlin's lips, before withdrawing and opening his eyes to give an easy, relaxed smile. "I know, love. I p- I'm going to-" For a moment Harry seemed stuck, bogged down by his selection of words, but finally he chose to simply say, "I understand."

"Good," Merlin murmured. He stroked Harry's cheek one more time before kissing it to combat Harry's kiss. Then he rose from the bed, shivering in the cool air. The barracks always felt like a ghost town when there were no training programs to run. It seemed like just yesterday the new recruits had lined up, vying for the position of Lancelot, and yet at the same time it felt like years ago.

"Come on," Merlin said. "Let's catch the shuttle before it leaves without us."

"By all means," Harry said, reaching for his walking stick before pushing himself up. But it was Merlin's arm he leaned on as they left the barracks.

* * *

Some of the most common assignments for Kingsman agents post V-Day were those involving the interim leaders who had taken over their respective countries after the original, corrupt leaders passed away in Merlin's spectacular explosion. Many requested a bodyguard, with which Kingsman gladly provided them.

Merlin had just settled in for the observation of one such mission when he was startled by a voice resounding from the hall outside his office. "And here on your right, you'll find the brains behind our own… operation, the very me… mechanism that keeps Kingsman functioning. The one, the only… _the Merlin."_

"Galahad-" Frustrated, Merlin spun around in his chair, only to find Harry standing in the doorway with Roxy close by his side. "Just _what_ do you think you're doing?"

"Eggsy seemed satisfied with his tour yesterday," Harry said. "It stands to reason that our other… our Lancelot might want the- the same."

"According to her schedule, you are taking Lancelot away from her training today," Merlin informed Harry, trying not to sound ruffled by the intrusion. He wasn't sure he pulled it off.

"Her trainer doesn't mind," a new voice rung from the hallway, and Merlin wanted to groan as Percival appeared behind Harry and Roxy. If it had been any other agent, he might have reprimanded them as an enabler to Harry's whims, but Percival was too close to Merlin and he knew it. If this trio decided to hang around, he would never be able to focus on today's mission.

"Actually I agreed to walk with Galahad today," Roxy said primly. "As exercise to help him regain his strength. Percival is… just along for the ride." She flashed a smile at her mentor, who gave her a nod and then settled his knowing gaze on Merlin. Thankfully Percival was too polite to smirk, but Merlin knew he was getting just as big a kick out of Harry's "tour" as Eggsy had the day before. _There's something to be said about "beware the quiet ones…"_

He ignored Roxy and Percival in favor of eyeing Harry questioningly. "Is _that_ what you told her? I'm surprised you'd play the sympathy card for-"

"Merlin, are you getting this?" a voice in his ear interrupted, and in a flash Merlin swiveled his chair back to face the screens, absorbing himself in his work once more. This time his groan was voiced as he realized what was happening. Bors' glasses feed showed a single vehicle steadily pursuing the town car in the backseat window- and gaining on them with every inch.

As Merlin gave the order to _go faster,_ one ear picked up on the conversation continuing behind his back. "Looks like Bors has got himself in trouble again," Percival remarked casually, as if he were talking about the weather.

Though Merlin knew Harry wouldn't roll his eyes in front of Roxy and Percival, he could tell from the thinly-disguised disdain in Harry's voice that he felt like doing so. "When _hasn't_ he? No, don't… answer that, Rodney, you weren't here for the worst of it."

"At least he's got Caradoc with him," Roxy chimed in. "If all you've told me about his combat skills are true, I'd say your client is very well-secured."

" _Caradoc_ is with him?" Harry exclaimed. "Now _this_ is something I… I _have_ to see. He's not much better than Bors! What was Arthur thinking, putting th-those two together on a… a-"

"It's something you won't _get_ to see," Merlin cut in, a bit more harshly than he had intended. "Look, I appreciate idle chit-chat as much as the next person, but would you three _kindly_ take it somewhere else?" Behind him, he heard a chorus of "Oh, my apologies, Merlin" and scuffling of feet (and the scraping of a walking stick) against the floor as Percival, Roxy, and Harry exited the room. Last to leave was Harry, who murmured a "Terribly sorry for the distraction, love" before hightailing it out of the office. Merlin sighed at the blessed peace and then turned his attention back to the screens.

Thankfully the car chase didn't take a turn for the violent, and the client made it to her destination without further incident. It was only then that Merlin relaxed and took a sip of tea from his favorite mug. The mission faded away as he began to muse and shake his head over Harry Hart's recent actions. What had gotten _into_ him lately? It couldn't be just the desire to impress Eggsy, as he had taken Roxy on a "tour" as well. And there was no way he could be shirking his commitment to physical therapy, not after the conversation he and Merlin had had the day before.

The thought crossed Merlin's mind- _Maybe he's just acting out to annoy me._ A small smile touched his lips. He much preferred a Harry Hart who had come back as an annoying pain in the arse to a Harry Hart who never came back at all.

* * *

It wasn't until a few nights later that Merlin realized the actual cause behind Harry's eccentric behavior. He probably wouldn't have noticed it, either, had he and Harry not fallen asleep together in a different position than usual. Normally Merlin wasn't one for spooning- he much preferred looking his boyfriend in the eye when in bed together- and neither he nor Harry could be described as _cuddlers._ But after a long day supervising agents, falling into bed was such a blessed welcome that Merlin didn't mind when Harry collapsed in the space behind him, threw his arms around him, and gently pulled him close. He was out as soon as the lights flipped off, offering only a mumbled, "Goodnight, Harry" before sleep came to claim him.

It struck as the ritzy sheen of Friday night melded easily into the warm, open-arms comfort of the weekend. Merlin wasn't sure of the exact time he woke, because he couldn't accurately read the bedside clock without his glasses on. However, telling the time quickly became the least of his worries. A more pressing matter was that his lungs were being rapidly depleted of air, caused by a severe force squeezing around his upper chest. A force administered by Harry's arms.

" _Harry-"_ Merlin gasped, his hands automatically coming up to tug at his boyfriend's arms, hoping they would budge from their iron grip. Harry had _never_ held him so tightly before. Merlin almost would have liked it, in a strange way, had it not been so out of character. And of course for the fact that he could barely breathe with Harry's arms around him. The man was just as strong as he'd been the day he completed training for Kingsman, and won the position of Galahad. Being in a coma had done surprisingly little to diminish his physical capabilities.

Finally Merlin managed to break free from his prison without disturbing Harry- a feat which for Merlin was easier than it sounded, but it was still no picnic. He rolled onto his other side and stared up at his boyfriend's face. Strangely enough, Harry was still asleep, but his face was tight, grimacing as he slept. He looked enormously troubled, and the rigidity of his body only enhanced Merlin's assumption that his mind was full of dark dreams.

Just as Merlin was about to touch him, Harry gave a little start and roused, though he wasn't fully awake. His body loosened as he blinked a few times, presumably reorienting himself. Then his gaze fell on Merlin. Before Merlin could think to say anything- _"you had me in a death grip and it was frightening, Harry, it wasn't LIKE you-"_ Harry moved in towards him, pressing his forehead against Merlin's and lightly touching his shoulder with one hand. This contact seemed to ease him; his face smoothed out and his eyes fell closed once more. Each breath Harry took was rapid and shallow, warming Merlin's skin. With hardly any space between them, Merlin could almost feel Harry's pounding heartbeat through the thin fabric of his sleepwear.

The first time came and passed quickly- Harry fell asleep again before Merlin could puzzle out what exactly had happened. No mention of it was made by Harry in the morning, so Merlin thought it best not to mention it either. Whatever "it" was. At the time, nothing more than a curious incident.

The picture only really began forming in Merlin's head after the second time. It took place on the Monday after the weekend of the first one, and once again manifested at night. One minute Merlin was fast asleep, facing the ceiling as he slumbered, and the next he was rudely awakened by the sensation of a fist slamming into his chest. His eyes popped open wide, and a sharp breath was pulled through his lungs. Adrenaline spiked automatically- _oh god, we're being attacked, someone's broken in, where's Harry-_

But then, as Merlin's eyes adjusted to the dark, he realized that the hand on his chest was extraordinarily familiar. It was a hand he had held so many times that he knew every line that marked its palm- and he also knew it belonged to the very man he was looking for. Pushing himself into a sitting position, Merlin gazed down at Harry, lying uncomfortably beside him. His eyes were closed as if he was asleep, but his fists were clenched so tightly that even in the dark Merlin could see the paleness of his knuckles. His teeth were gritted, and he seemed to be shaking, locked in battle with some invisible foe from the inside of his mind.

"Harry." Cautiously Merlin reached out, longing to touch his boyfriend, but not wanting to startle him. "It's all right, it's all right. _Wake up."_

After a careful visual inspection, Merlin decided that the safest place to risk touching Harry was on the shoulder. He gently patted him, and was quite taken aback when Harry's immediate response was to fiercely shove Merlin away. Then Harry's eyes flashed open, a strangled gasp dying in his throat. He sat up right away, breathing hard, looking as if he was still lost in the horrors within his mind. Shock, disgust, and even fearetched across his face.

" _Get out,_ " he whispered breathlessly, and it took Merlin a moment to realize that Harry wasn't directly speaking to him. "I- I'll _kill_ you- I want to- _I want-"_

His hands tightened around the bedspread, clutching it as if he wanted to rip it to shreds. Merlin sat up straighter. The urge to take Harry's hand, to give him something more solid to hold, crept over him, but he held himself back, because Harry's stiff posture and the tightness in his shoulders gave off abundantly clear _don't TOUCH me_ vibes.

For a long, tense moment they sat like that, Harry frozen solid as he came back to himself and Merlin poised waiting, hardly daring to move and disrupt Harry. The only sound was that of Harry's breathing, each ragged inhalation filling the room and bouncing off the walls. Then a name slipped into the air- "Ian?"

"I'm right here," Merlin replied calmly.

At the sound of his voice, Harry relaxed. He sunk down against the headboard, passing a trembling hand across his face.

"I thought… I saw…" He swallowed and gazed up at Merlin, his eyes alight with desperation. "You were…"

"It's all right," Merlin whispered. Unable to resist any longer, he reached out and took Harry's hand, which fell slack in his grasp. He traced circles on the back of Harry's hand with his thumb, while his other hand brushed against Harry's right cheek. Even in the darkness, Harry's face was pale, drained of blood. It surprised Merlin- he'd never seen Harry look so _scared_ before.

"It's all right. Just a bad dream. I'm here for you, dear Hart."

Harry didn't say a word in response, but as Merlin spoke he clutched his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. Then he half-rose from his slouched position, numbly reaching out. But Merlin was already on the same page, wrapping both arms around Harry and holding him as closely as he dared. He pressed his lips to Harry's cheek and rubbed his back gently, feeling the intense tremors running through his body.

"I'm here, dear Hart. _I'm here."_

After another long moment, the tremors died down and Harry easily released himself from Merlin's arms. He lay back down, closing his eyes almost at once. Carefully Merlin waited, half-expecting some word of explanation from Harry, but eventually he realized that Harry had fallen back asleep. Just like that, the incident had passed.

There was nothing for Merlin to do but gingerly slid down beneath the sheets and ruminate on Harry's behavior over the past weeks. Just a few days ago he'd assumed that the reason Harry would rather take free agents on pointless, whirlwind "tours" around HQ than attend physical therapy was that he wanted to intentionally bother Merlin. Now he realized just how incorrect that assumption was. Little aspects of Harry's behavior tallied up in Merlin's head- the "tours," the reminiscing on the good old days, the reluctance to properly discuss his future at Kingsman, and now the nightmares. At first shame overcame Merlin for not having drawn the right conclusion sooner, but then he took a step back to focus on the bigger picture. After his traumatic experience in Kentucky, Harry Hart was simply not ready to return to the field, and might not ever be ready. Further options needed to be explored- and Merlin was already starting to get a vague idea on which ones.

 _Why couldn't you have just told me how you felt, Harry?_ Merlin expelled a sigh through his nose as he rolled over to face his boyfriend. When it came to important, perspective-altering facts about himself, Harry had always been rather tight-lipped. Still, Merlin supposed _he_ wasn't much better. He drifted into sleep, lulled by the slow, smooth beating of Harry's heart.

Come morning, Harry was still tight-lipped, at least on anything concerning his nightmare the night before. He spoke of the weather, of which outfit suited him best that morning and of possibly grabbing lunch together, "if you aren't up to anything terribly important, of course." Though Merlin thought the night's incident definitely deserved at _least_ a passing mention, he was only too happy to oblige Harry. His mind was already working on the problem, and like any self-respecting handler dedicated to his agents, he was determined to fix it.

* * *

Harry was already ambling down the halls when the message came through. "Galahad," Merlin's disembodied voice echoed in his ear. "You're wanted in my office."

"Perfect timing," Harry murmured. "I was just making my way there." He continued on his way without a thought as to why he was needed. Not that his mind could spare the distraction. Most of his concentration dealt with keeping one foot in front of the other, walking a steady, continuous line. _Focus, focus. It's just walking. It's not difficult. Don't fuck up._

When Harry appeared in the doorway of Merlin's office, Merlin swiveled his chair around from the screens and rose to his feet. "Galahad," he said breezily, taking up a manila file folder from his desk. "Have a seat." He gestured with one hand to the chair he had just been sitting in, and Harry gripped his walking stick and considered it. He was perfectly capable of standing up on his own- it wasn't as if he would fall flat on his face without any support. But Merlin's tone seemed more insistent than usual, so Harry flashed a smile in thanks and sauntered over to the chair, depositing himself into it with ease.

"I take it you're not busy at the moment?" he said, and Merlin gave a single nod. "If you'll permit me, Galahad, I think it's time we discussed your future as a field agent."

Though Harry's expression remained composed, inside he felt his stomach drop. _No._ The words sprang childishly to his head. _No, I don't want to talk about that._

"I know it's a bit early to be thinking of such things, but there's an upcoming mission that I think would suit you well for your return to the field," Merlin went on, drumming his fingers against the manila folder. "As long as you continue to make progress in your therapy, that is."

"Have you spoken to Ar- Arthur about this?" Harry intervened, and to his surprise Merlin said, "Not yet. I think it's best to keep this between us for now. If you accept I will make your decision known, but I wanted to run the details past you first."

Harry's brow furrowed. This wasn't like Merlin. All missions were supposed to be assigned and discussed with Arthur first and foremost, and Harry had never known Merlin to break protocol before. _He still calls me "Galahad" at work, for God's sake. What's gotten into him?_

Before he could ask, though, Merlin handed him the manila folder and crossed his arms over his chest.

"All the pertinent details are in there, but I'd like to give you a rough outline before you look through them. First of all, I'll be working alongside you in the field."

Though Harry had been distracted by the folder and its hidden contents, he now sat up straighter in the chair, his attention piqued. "Is that so?" He wanted to add a teasing remark that perhaps Merlin's heroics on V-Day had gotten to his head, but the precise words wouldn't come to mind in time.

"That is so, Galahad," Merlin said calmly. "In fact, if you accept this mission I'll have to join you in the field no matter what. Then there's the matter of the location. All that's known for sure is that it's somewhere warm and sunny, as far from our country as possible. I would suggest Australia, but the Caribbean might be nice too. As long as there's a beach involved."

Harry blinked. _How can the location have yet to have been decided?_ That wasn't the way missions worked at all. If this was indeed an actual mission…

"I thought you disliked beaches," he said.

"I do, but if I recall correctly you feel quite the opposite," Merlin said smoothly. "Now, during this mission, we'll have to move in together the entire time. Considering we already are living together outside of work, I'd say that's the least of our concerns. Lastly…" His arms dropped to his sides. "There's an optional bit. We might bring a dog along. The breed's to be decided, but I'd much like an Airedale, if that suits you."

"An Airedale." Harry let out a chuckle, pleasantly surprised by the direction the conversation had turned in. "They're lovely, but personally I've been interested lately in Aus- Aus… Australian shepherds. I'm rather fond of smaller dogs. I don't suppose we'll… ever agree on that one."

"I'd be happy with whatever you decide," Merlin said. "The breed is unimportant to the mission."

"Good to hear," Harry commented, gazing down at the folder in his lap. "So when is this mission supposed to… to take place?"

"As soon as you're in top physical form again," Merlin replied. "There's no hurry yet. Oh- I almost forgot." He swallowed and stared seriously down at Harry, hazel eyes glowing. "Before the mission commences, we'll have to make a quick trip to a register office."

Harry searched Merlin's face for hidden meaning, trying to figure out exactly _what_ he was saying. But his expression was as neutral and placid as ever. _Dammit, why does he always want me to guess?_ He glanced down at the folder in his lap, and then opened it up in search of further clues.

What he found were copies of his own birth certificate and driver's license, alongside Merlin's, as well as 35 pounds. All the materials needed to give notice of a marriage ceremony at the register office.

 _This is certainly no ordinary mission._

Harry cleared his throat and flipped the folder closed before settling his gaze once again on Merlin. He still wore a poker face, but Harry noticed his eyes seemed even warmer than usual. A soft smile grew on Harry's face, and for the first time since he'd returned from America, it didn't feel forced to any extent.

"Mer… Ian," he sighed, shaking his head. "Try as you might, you'll never be able to… hide the fact that you're a hopeless romantic at heart."

Merlin laughed at that, and it was a strange sound, one that Harry didn't hear often from him in public. Even less so these days. He savored the sound as it bounced through his ears.

"It's a rather… unorthodox proposal," he said, reaching out to take Merlin's hand in a firm grip. The solidity of the touch strengthened Harry, supported him as he worked out what next to say. "Still, I will accept this mission." Somehow it didn't seem right to end his statement there, but no more words were forthcoming. However, that didn't seem to bother Merlin, who made up for the lack of words by bending down to kiss Harry gently.

"After this, Harry, I promise you," he said when the kiss ended. "You won't have to return to the field if you don't want to or can't. There are plenty more jobs to be had at Kingsman, and I will help you readjust. Your recovery is important to me, and it should be to yourself as well, not just because of your obligations to the organization."

Harry was taken aback to hear Merlin speak so frankly, not to mention that he had referred to Harry by his real name. It wasn't _too_ surprising that Merlin had guessed Harry's apprehensions over returning to the field- he'd always had a good grasp on reading Harry, after all, and despite how Harry might tease him, Merlin wasn't a fool. Just because they had brushed the incident of the nightmares a few nights ago under the rug, didn't mean that it wasn't gone from Merlin's mind. Harry knew he wasn't the type of person to just forget about something like that. But he _was_ surprised that Merlin would offer to help, so readily and openly. How could Merlin invest so much of himself into Harry, and how could Harry possibly accept?

"It's not your job to decide where I'm needed," Harry pointed out evasively. "What about Ar-"

"I haven't spoken to him yet, but I'm sure he would agree with my assessment," Merlin said. "As your doctor already does. You're not the only field agent that Kingsman depends on, and we have fresh blood, too. I only want what's best for _you,_ though. If you want to continue field work as soon as you're physically able, no one in the world is stopping you."

Silently, Harry squeezed Merlin's hand and pondered. _That's a lie… I'm stopping MYSELF._ Just thinking the words was painful, but Harry had to admit the truth. How could he return to the field in his broken condition, even if his role to play was minimal? How could he return when the mere thought of holding a gun again caused him to break out in a cold sweat- _that wasn't me this isn't happening that wasn't me this isn't HAPPENING-_

He'd been kidding himself into believing he could do it. Because it was all he knew _how_ to do. Take away Harry's active duty and you took away thirty-two years of his life. Without the passion that had driven him for so long, what were his options?

Merlin _loved_ being a handler and working on tech. That was his passion, because he and Harry Hart were two very different men. It wasn't something Harry could imagine himself doing, no matter how much he respected the calling. Beyond that, nothing else came close enough to the fast-paced, hands-on, immensely satisfying position Harry had previously held at Kingsman. But it _wasn't_ satisfying, not anymore. Not when his dreams each night were plagued with images of death and destruction, of all the pain that he had caused and likely would cause were he to return to active duty. The fear of becoming nothing more than a pawn used in a game of violence overruled all of Harry's better judgement.

But Merlin had told Harry he would help him readjust to working outside the field, and Harry wanted to believe him. He knew already that it was going to be a tough road to travel, but if Merlin wanted to _marry_ him, he was clearly and unquestionably devoted to all aspects of Harry Hart, both the good and the bad. Just like he had told Harry on their first date:

" _I want everything you have to offer me, and nothing that you don't."_

Which reminded Harry to change the subject. "When's the wedding, _love?"_ Further matters could be discussed in the days that followed- perhaps even on their romantic getaway, or whatever Merlin had been getting at when he mentioned the Caribbean. For now, Harry wanted to only focus on the good news, the part that involved no difficult decisions, or any decisions whatsoever. After twenty-two years together, he and Merlin were going to _marry._ The thought was terrifyingly delicious.

"It depends on when you'll be finished with PT," Merlin said.

"Any particular reason…"

"To give you motivation," Merlin replied, understanding where Harry was going with his statement. He broke into a rare grin, and Harry couldn't help but offer the same expression. _God,_ it felt good to smile properly again.

"I figured we could register sometime this week, and hold the ceremony next month." Merlin paused, and then added, "You'd better keep your mouth shut around Eggsy, or we'll find out who the _real_ hopeless romantic is around here."

Harry chuckled at that- in his eyes, Eggsy's enthusiasm for their relationship was somewhat endearing. "What, don't you trust me?" His other hand found Merlin's other hand, and using Merlin's tight grip he hauled himself to his feet, so they could look each other properly in the eye.

"Of course I do, or we wouldn't even be _having_ this conversation," Merlin said.

"You take everything so _litera- literally_ ," Harry muttered. He leaned in to quickly peck Merlin on the cheek before changing the subject once again.

"Who is going to take your... position while we're on holiday?"

"I have someone in mind," Merlin replied matter-of-factly. "That's for me to work out. You can just sit back and daydream about warm, sandy beaches while I make the plans."

Harry grinned at the word "sandy," already envisioning the various complaints Merlin would come up with while on the shore. _Just another testament to his devotion, I suppose._ Though Harry figured he'd best oblige Merlin and elect to go to Australia over the Caribbean. _He shouldn't give me TOO much power._

Speaking of which, they hadn't yet discussed the most important matter.

"Were you serious about the… the dog?" Harry asked.

"Completely," Merlin said, which earned him another kiss on the cheek.

"Have I mentioned today that I love you?"

"I know you do." This time it was Merlin who kissed Harry's cheek. "And I love you too."

He still loved him even after Harry let the word slip to Eggsy after all, because really, who _else_ was going to be their best man? And Harry still loved Merlin even when he insisted that it wasn't that kind of marriage ceremony, because he knew how to get his way. A proper marriage ceremony should have at least _one_ witness. Or three.

END.

 **And that's the story of how Harry and Merlin got married (with Eggsy, Roxy, and Percival in attendance), had a lovely honeymoon at a beach resort in Australia, moved into HQ together, and adopted a miniature Australian shepherd (which Merlin named). Merlin took on Amelia from the tech department in Berlin as an intern, and quietly retired once she was capable enough to do his job, joining Harry in his retirement. And he and Harry lived (mostly) happily ever after, because they deserve it.**

 **While Harry calls Merlin "love," Merlin calls Harry "dear Hart." It started out as merely "dear heart," but it transformed in Merlin's head over the years, and Harry never realized the difference.**

 **PS- If you want to read about Harry & Merlin's first date that was mentioned in this story, check out my fic "Boundaries" on Archive Of Our Own, under the same username.**


End file.
